mcsweeney's, mcschweenies

peter, this is for you. thanks for turning me on to www.mcsweeneys.net

A SELECTION FROM
GEORGE W. BUSH'S
EAVESDROPPING TAPES:
MATTHEW BARNEY AND
BJÖRK PLACE AN IKEA
PHONE ORDER.

BY CHRIS MCCOY

- - - -

MATTHEW BARNEY: (On phone.) Matthew. Barney. Sure. It's called the Flärke. F-L-A-R-K-E. It's a bookshelf.

BJÖRK: (In background.) Ask if they have an aluminum igloo.

MATTHEW BARNEY: (Muffled.) I'm on hold. I'll check when he gets back on.

BJÖRK: (Giggling.) Imagine if clouds were made of licorice!

MATTHEW BARNEY: Flärke. With an umlaut over the a. Also, my wife was curious if you sold aluminum ... Yes, I can hold again.

BJÖRK: The winter makes me feel particularly blinkered.

MATTHEW BARNEY: The Flärke is in stock? Great. Another quick question. My wife is Scandinavian and she was wondering if you had any aluminum ... All right, I can hold.

BJÖRK: Icelanders complete the echo with feel.

MATTHEW BARNEY: You're kidding me. If you can't deliver it, why do you have the option to order by phone?

BJÖRK: Pandas are sexy.