handle me with care

well, it was a good weekend that ended on a sour note. but you can't go back on the good times that have already happened, so let's focus on those, right?

i feel a slight shift in ye olde trade winds, but i still haven't figured out which trade has the best wind to offer. let's see how far i can keep up this analogy. i will SET SAIL toward a new career and will try not to get lost on the OCEANS OF LIFE or become discouraged by the CHANGE OF COURSE i seem to be taking. i'm feeling KNOT-TY or NAUTI (NAUTI VICKI is actually the name of my parents' neighbors' boat ).

let's try this:
i'm tired and discouraged and sad, but it's cool. there are things to be excited about, like good friends and summertime and the fact that i'm actually not as old as i feel today. i want to sit under my desk and plug my ears so that i don't have to listen to people speak. at. all. i want to sit on top of a building like i'm in a commercial for a product that is so great it makes you go to the roof to reflect on how wonderful life is now that you've discovered said product. i want to cry because i envision poignant moments that always look like commercial breaks.
i feel bereft.

i did help amy clean out a section 8 housing apartment that once housed a tenant and her three young children, who were evicted when this woman did not pay her rent for three months. because she was evicted and has the papers to show it, she'll be ok. the state will give her the down payment for a new apartment. but it was surreal and sad to clean this apartment, to understand the way some people live without any apparent stability. it's possible she'll move to a new place with these young children, pay the rent for three months and then stop again, just to be evicted, and find a new place. where is the security in a life like this? why do i find this so abhorrent? i'm so sad that i couldn't understand it. i just can't understand how you can have a huge flat screen television but no stable homebase for your children to feel loved and safe. i'm angry at her, i'm angry at myself because i know it's not that simple.

anyway. welcome to a new workweek.